those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What did we do last night that was yellow?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize