if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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