can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
