his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
