After last night, I could never be a politician.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
