Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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