I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
