i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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