i will never coherently bang her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
