No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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