You made me cry and you don't even care
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
