i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
