trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
