Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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