I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
