I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
