What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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