What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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