Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
