I puked a lego.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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