You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
