Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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