All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize