i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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