I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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