4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
