Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
