You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
