He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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