The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
