We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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