So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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