So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
