Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
