Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
