So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
