Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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