I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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