The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
