drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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