mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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