Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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