3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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