Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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