margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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