i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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