guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
