Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize