the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
