For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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