Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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