Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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