On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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