I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Randomize
