After last night, I could never be a politician.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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