is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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