i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
