Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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